Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
