My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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