Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
