Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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