Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
