I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
