Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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