don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
