i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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