My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize