Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
