I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
