Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
