It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
