tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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