I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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