My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
