She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
