Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
