So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
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