well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
