Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
