Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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