it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
