he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
