If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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