We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize