You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
