Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Can Purell be used as lube?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
