Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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