you have to choose: penises or morals?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
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