I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
