She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize