Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
