Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
