Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
