Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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