He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
