I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
