The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
