I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
