i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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