Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
even my farts smell like vagina
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
