Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
