i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
