so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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