is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
