Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
