Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
