sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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