New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
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