We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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