It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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