I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
