Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
