sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
