if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
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