dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
