He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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