so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
