Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
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It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
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You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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