i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
