My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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