this boner is exhausting
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
