Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
