FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
