and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
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I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
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idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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