I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
