Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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