Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
