I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I don't deserve a penis
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
