Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
3 2 1 whiskey
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
